A story of tenacity and perseverance

Today as I was driving home I was listening to a random sermon. In it the pastor told this story:

There was once a scronny boy who wanted to wrestle in a school where there was no wrestling team. He talked to one of the teachers and the teacher decided to make the boys dream of wrestling possible. Surprisingly, the boy won every match he ever had. The boy eventually made it to the championships and came up against the 2 time championship winner. The boy was doing so well and then all of a sudden the two time champion had him pinned. Seeing this the coach didn't want to watch any longer and closed his eyes; just then the coach heard the crowd roar. He opened his eyes to see that the tables had turned. The boy had managed to pin the two time champion and he won the match! After the match was over the coach told the boy "I'm so proud of you, but I didn't see what happened; I covered my eyes. What happened?" The boy went on to tell his coach that when the 2 time champion had him pinned he was folded in half like a pretzel he saw a big toe in front of his face. "Now I didn't know if it was breaking the rules or not," said the boy "but I bit into that toe with all that I had. ...It's amazing what you can do when you bite your own big toe."

Down memory lane....

I was going through some of the things I had written years ago. This is one of em'. It may not flow that well, but some of the words still resound with my heart.

I don't know how to explain to you how I feel.

It's like someone dropped a rock on my head.

I know I should, but I can't go to bed.

I can't stop thinking about all the 'what ifs',

the 'maybes' and the 'could happens'.

I don't know what to say,

I just wish it would all go away.

I don't want to have to think about it anymore.

Please Lord, just take it all away!

All of it!

All of the crap in my life and in the lives of the

ones I love.

Why do we constantly have to find ways to

deal with the hard stuff that happens?

I know that life will never be perfect and

crap happens,

But why does it have to happen so often?

Why does it have to happen at all?

Why does it happen to my friends?

I know I'll never know all the answers,

And that life's just not fair.

But I can't help but ask "why?"

When You say that You care.

You said You'd never leave me,

And that You'd never go away,

You promised to take care of us,

No matter where we stay.

There are times I wonder,

Where my Saviour's gone?

You made so many promises,

But have You kept just one?

I know the right answer's "yes."

But when things don't go my way,

I make up stories and ignore the truth

And in my ignorance, find ways to be mad

at You.

I start to act half my age,

Just like a little kid.

Saying "See here!" and "Look what you did!"

I pout and shout, and throw temper tantrums too.

"Anything..." I say, "to get through to You."

I continue this charade, till I think You've

had enough.

I ignore You and push You aside; saying:

"You wouldn't have cared if it were I who would

have died."

But where have You gone?!!

I treat You like a politician

Not trusting what You say

And when You finally speak to me,

I turn my face away.

"Where have You gone?" I ask...

Just where I put You;

Back on my shelf,

'Til I think I have time for You.

How do You put up with me?

I do not know.

But when I feel Your arms around me

You let me know,

That I am Your child

And no matter how bratty I am

And how much I try to ignore You,

You will NEVER leave me.

Thank-You Abba

living in plenty or in want. What does it look like to be a good steward of financial resources?

"I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want."

Philippians 4:12

It is easy to see why it would be difficult to be content while living "in want". I've been thinking about it for a while now and am wondering what it means to know how to live with everything, or as many of us in North America are so blessed, with more than everything. We have more than what we need and more than what we even know what to do with. Is it easier to be content when you have more than what you need? Often I find myself wanting more or something else, when really, I have more than enough. This is a journey I have been on for quite some time. I'm trying to go through my "stuff" and get rid of or give away what I don't want and don't need. Those things I thought I needed, but really haven't used or worn in years. I've been finding it a lot harder than I had originally thought. While I've managed to get rid of some things, I'm finding it difficult to know where to begin again, or in some cases, where to stop.

When it comes to money and tithing...touchy subject I know. I've been thinking a lot about what it means to be a good steward of the money I have, and the money I don't have. I never wanted to have student loans, but they are something I acquired over my four years as a college student. The question that has been gnawing at me recently is: Is it being a good steward of finances to tithe the money that I don't have? Meaning: Is it ok, now that I have a job and am working towards paying off my student loans, to give some of the money I earn away to those in need? Is it wise to be renting an apartment or putting gas in the car, when the money I earn doesn't belong to me because I have debt to pay off? Maybe I should have asked these questions before I took out student loans.

What do YOU think it means to be content when "living in plenty"? What do you think it looks like to be a good steward?

My mother is lovely,

Today I walked into the veranda and she's on the phone with what sounded like an old friend talking about Africa...it was the Mac tech help guy.

mmm Saturday...

Tami and I made cauliflower chick-pea curry.

Yesterday was P.D. day at MCI. While the teaching staff had their own schedule, us Deans drove up to Providence College and met with Chris Marchand who wrote the book "Restoring Rebecca" which is a book about Compassion Fatigue. Even though we had discussed the topic of the book before, it was both interesting and helpful to hear what Mr. Marchand had to say about being aware of how we are doing and making sure that we don't burn out as we are caring for the students we work with every day. Our next stop was the MCC store in Steinbach. I have never seen such a big MCC. They had a wall full of T.V.'s that actually worked! and were only $25.00! For those reading who don't know what MCC is, it stands for Mennonite Central Committee. These stores are thrift stores run by volunteers where people drop off clothes, records, mugs, tables, couches, shoes, table clothes, anything they don't want anymore and it is sold to help MCC missionaries around the world. Needless to say, it was a successful and entertaining trip.

This weekend I moved back into my parent's basement until the next couple I will be house-sitting for leave on missions in the U.S. on December 17th. While it's been nice living so close to work and church I've been missing sharing a home with others. Although I'm not looking forward to the 1hour commute each day, it will be good to be close to Winkler and have a chance to catch up with friends and some family. Already tonight I was blessed by good company and conversation as Tami and I cooked and enjoyed dinner and Chai in front of the fire.

That's my update for now. Until next time, I will continue to listen to "Your Hands" by J.J. Heller on YouTube over and over annnd over again.

Recent Special Events...

Dodgeball night

Girls Night, full of story time, costumes, KD, Tea, and even a fashion runway!

Clearly, the Lord has called me to MCI for this time. He made it quite clear last night, through a tough conversation. He is so good, why do I doubt Him?!

On another note, on August 10th, I hit my head acquiring my 3rd concussion in total and my second concussion of the summer. Ever since I've been dizzy, loosing balance, having headaches, and just not feeling like myself. It just sucks sometimes. Today I went to the doctor to get checked out and it turns out I will be having a cat scan sometime in the next few weeks. Puhleeze pray that the doctors don't find anything wrong with my head! but that I start to feel like normal once again.

Gifts to be treasured.

Martha, whom I met at camp this summer, came for a visit last weekend. It was such a blessing to be reunited with a dear friend, especially as I don't see people other than the ones I work with these days. We talked from the moment I picked her up from the airport till the moment I dropped her off. Mar, if you're reading this, know that I loved EVERY minute of our time together, except for the good bye part. I can't wait 'till we can see one another again!

After I dropped off Mar at the airport, I hit up Value Village randomly on my way out of the city. I remembered though, that Jo (a friend from B-crest) said she'd be in Winnipeg sometime in October for TESOL, and so I texted her. Sure enough she and 3 other friends were there! Again, the Lord blessed me with sweet reunions with dear friends. He is SO good to me! Every month since getting back to Manitoba I've seen at least one friend from either Briercrest or camp. I feel like a spoiled child at times, but I won't complain. I will say it again, He is SO good!

Just wanted to share a bit of the blessings I've been receiving lately, more stories to follow!

The "Dean Team"

Giles, Thomas, Gerry, Me, Xander (Giles' son), Caroline, and Charlene

This picture was taken on our P.D. day out at Giles' family cabin at Victoria Beach, MB. It was a good time to hang out as a team and to get out of Gretna.

Now THIS is what I call inspiration!

Gandhi's only earthly possessions when he died.

My life as a dean...

As you can see, things are rather interesting around here. It's been a good first month as a Dean here at MCI with many blessings along the way. Currently I am able to walk/bike to work from the house I am "sitting" until mid November, this has been a huge help as it means I don't have to drive 30mins twice a day! Random fact: above mentioned house is less than a 10minute walk from the U.S. border.
Right now I'm sitting in one of the offices the 6 of us Deans share. Usually, there's a swarm of students in here with me, but alas, it's Saturday and most of them are sleeping, at home or gaming on their computers. One of the aspects of this job that is both a pro and a con is the amount of dead time; but I always seem to find something to do. I would have never pictured myself living in no-mans-land Manitoba; it's actually the last place I would have guessed I would end up. Yet I know this is where I am supposed to be for now; and every time I begin to ask the Lord "really?! here???!" He confirms to me in some small way that yes, this is the place for now and it's going to be ok.

Old letters...

Today I’ve been going through old letters in hopes to downsize my amount of “stuff” as I’m moving out of my parent’s place on Thursday and into a place I’m house-sitting for 2 months. I’ve found letters from before we moved to Winkler, from high school…a whole huge stack of notes from one friend who I’ve lost touch with. Those were good times that we had together; but do I keep those letters full of inside jokes, teenage crushes, and silly memories? What good do they do me now? I’ve also found letters from the last four years of Bible college and summer camp. Notes of affirmation, exhortation, and admonishment from people I still keep in contact with and hope to for the rest of my life. But what good does it do to keep these letters? I like to look back on them every once and a while not only for the purpose of nostalgia but to be reminded of where I’ve been and how far I’ve come. I am so blessed to have these letters and notes to remind me of the work of the Lord in my life. While some I will discard, there are others that I will keep for a while longer so I can look back and be reminded of simple truths, encouraged in big ways, and reminded more of how big God is.

Another thing I’ve come across is letters from people who played a very large role in my life for a very short amount of time. I don’t know where these people are now or how they are doing. Some I do know that they are not living for the Lord anymore. It’s hard to think that the people who once encouraged me so greatly in my walk with the Lord are now walking away from it all. There’s something wrong with this picture. Where is the accountability in these friendships? Is it my fault? Maybe. I feel convicted to be praying for these people. What good is it if I know they are not ok and I do nothing about it? How can I hold my head high and claim to be one who follows after the example of Christ if I do not bare with others the burdens they carry and lift them up in prayer to the One who can change hearts and take the broken pieces and put them back together again? I can’t. I pray that the names and faces of my friends past and present would be placed upon my heart often and that I would be given wisdom in how to pray for them.

Something else I have been reminded of through reading some of these letters is that some of these people, I have relied on so heavily. They have been the ones I sought out in hard times and when I did not know where else to turn. They have been supports and shelters in the storms. BUT, I have relied on many of these people like they are the only ones I could trust. I relied on them like there was no God. This is a lesson I have been learning for a very long time. Run to Him Keerst! Run to the Lord first! So easy to say, but often hard to do. I find in situations where I feel I have to talk with someone, I need to literally run somewhere to be alone with God where I can’t be distracted or see someone walking by to talk to. (Oh how human I am!) Lord please give me strength.

But let us not rely on people like we rely on air to keep us going; but let us rely on our Heavenly Father and our Maker to give us what we need when we need it.

Amen.

Can radical and common sense fit in the same space???

"Lukewarm people call 'radical' what Jesus expected of all His followers." - Francis Chan (Crazy Love)

I was reading Crazy Love out loud with my mom on our way to and from Grand Forks, ND today; which brought up some good conversation. In one of the last chapters Chan talks about how after hearing a sermon about giving more than the norm, one of the men in his church donated his house to the church and moved in with his parents saying that in Heaven he would have a better home, and that it doesn't matter where he lives now when by his gift others were able to be taken care of. Chan also shared about how his church decided to give 50% of their budget to others because they decided to take seriously the words of Christ when He said to love others as you love yourself. They decided then to spend the same amount on others that they would on themselves. I'm sure that many people looked at that and thought they were crazy.

I continued to talk with my mom about this asking where common sense fits in and if we can have common sense and live radically at the same time. When Jesus was sending out His disciples, He told them to take nothing with them, not even extra clothes or money. If this was happening today and those were my friends who Christ was calling, I'm sure the parent's on the block would have an issue with it. People would think they're weird and strange. I mean, who leaves their house without anything except the clothes on their back? Obviously today is a different time than it was then, but I wonder if the times were the same then as now, would Christ change what He asked them to do? I don't think so.

I think that often we don't take seriously the words of Christ when He says love others as ourselves. We hear and read these words, but do we stop and think what they mean and what it would look like if we truly would follow what Christ said? I have failed miserably at this. What does living and giving in a way that forces me to trust God look like? To be honest, I'm afraid to find out. I pray that I gain the guts and the trust to live like I trust that God knows what He's doing.

Combines, Rest, and Whatever...

There’s something about driving at night and seeing the field’s full of combines. Now I don’t know much about farming and the timing of everything, but it’s pretty. the other day as I was driving back to my parent’s place from dropping a friend off in Steinbach, I was blown away by how beautiful it looked with the lights of the combines and the dust in the night sky. Literally, I saw more than fifteen combines on my hour and a half drive. The pic above is from a different day, but I thought for those reading who have never seen one, there it is :P.

Other than admiring the beauty of the Harvest season, I've been trying to get a grasp on this new life of no longer being a student. For my job, it means getting different clothes cuz as of now, all my clothes were found in the free box at school or at MCC. It also means growing up in a different way. I'm starting my first real job, not that I've not worked in the past; but even in the midst of my time as a waitress, working at a day care and the many other jobs I've had in my teenage years this one is...well, real. ha.

I've been trying to rest. I've just finished four years of college, thankfully coming out of it with a bachelor's degree and some pretty satisfactory grades. I never realized until recently that it's taken a lot out of me. Who would have thunk that 4 years of cramming my brain with learning would be tiring? ha. As you can tell my articulation skills are suffering at the moment. I can't seem to make sense, let alone make sense of the things around me. In the midst of schooling, life has also been going on at an alarming pace and I'm finding that I'm only catching up with it now. I'm not sure how to do this resting thing, but I've found that all the sleeping in and having fun that I've been trying to do hasn't been working for me, but only adding to my stress. This is a scary thought as in a week or so I will be meeting the fellow staff at the school and in 2 or so weeks (give or take) I will be finally interacting with the students at MCI. The students God has been preparing me for. Scary thought, but I know that He is bigger than any of my fears and worries. If you think of me, I'd love prayer. I'm doing good, I just need to calm down and trust that the Lord knows what He's doing. I can say I trust Him, but it's the letting what I say be true also in my actions that I'm struggling with. How can I say that I trust that He's taking care of me if I'm always anxious? I can't.

This has turned out to be longer than I had originally planned, but maybe that's ok. Kinda vented a bit, and let the world know a bit of where I'm at. It's not smooth like poetry, but it's there, take it as it is.

Life is a dashing and bold adventure....

If you let it be. Since arriving back in Manitoba, I have struggled to let this be true in my life. I’m quickly being reminded that even in the monotony of life there are still many epic moments waiting to be realized and had. There are roads that have not yet been traveled, images I have not yet captured on my camera, images that are too glorious to be contained on a piece of paper, intimate moments with the Lord that happen in every moment that I could miss if I don’t keep my heart and eyes open. To sum it up, I am challenging myself to live like I’m seeing everything for the first time, treasure every moment, wonder at everything I see and experience, and in doing this to be aware of the awesome works of the Lord all around me. How can I go on living like the green on the grass in my parent’s back yard was put there by accident? How can I ignore the majestic prairie sunset, or the smell of rain before it falls? I refuse to be blind to the miracles around me. I am so thankful for God’s patience with me as I learn and re-learn lessons like this one. He is so good.

Psalm 8

O Lord, our Lord, how majestic is Your name in all the earth…

....almost the 8th

Sitting on the couch wondering why my stomach and head feel the way they do, although there are many things that could account for it; like the high amount of sugar intake today and lack of pure H2O I’ve taken in.

In less than 24 hours my feet will touch Manitoba concrete and make their way into my parents Dodge Caravan. The events leading up to this experience are many beginning at my college graduation…

Mom told me about this job opening at a Christian boarding school in Southern Manitoba, not far from the town I where I was born. This led to me applying for the job, and long story short, I have acquired said job. But wait, there’s more. Two weeks after I walked across the stage of the Hildebrand Chapel to receive my hard earned degree in Christian Ministry mixed with a few other things, I flew here, to BC to work at Camp Qwanoes. Since that day, life has been full of adventure, hard work, rodents, boats, new experiences, tears, tents, permadirt, amazing friends, and a whole lot of learning from the Man upstairs.

Tomorrow morning I will say a few last “see ya laters” and make my way to the Victoria airport. Exciting? Not quite yet, but it’ll get there. There is so much to be done before work starts on September 1^st and so many adventures to be had. Not to sound cheesy, but it’s gonna be great.

It’s like leaving one life for another…or one ministry for another. Anyhow, I’d best get some sleep before the trek starts tomorrow and before I stay awake until tomorrow comes.

Firsts of Summer 2010...

- Driving a convertible

- Eating calamari

- Going to Saltspring Island

- Cracking open a muscle and taking the guts out for fish bate

- Taking a fish of the hook

- Climbing 95 feet

- Knee boarding

- Going off the blob

- Super-toter and Saturn

- Experiencing the Parksville Sandcastle Competition

- Ride in an ambulance

- IV

- Learning to skateboard

- Having a picknick in a dingy in the cemetery pond

- Camping at Mystic Beach/on the beach

-Sleeping at the Boat House

Confessions of a 21 year-old Tractor Driver:

1. I have a job! ..K not really a confession, but I'm stoked! I'll be working at MCI (a private Christian boarding school) in the fall.

2. Yesterday after a long day of driving tractor at the Skyscraper in the Challenge Course (if you want to see a pic I'm sure you could find a pic of the swing @ www.qwanoes.ca) ..I stuck around to help Amelia take down all the equipment. The last thing left to do was to drive the tractor back to the Maintenance area and park it. In our excitement, I forgot to un-attach the swing chord from the back of the tractor and hence, I pulled the chord 95 feet up the pole.

3. This morning I climbed up said pole...to the top and hooked a beaner to the chord so it could be pulled down back to the ground.

4. I think I may no longer be afraid of heights.

5. It's turned out to be a wonderful day.

Just a Spoon Full of Sugar...

Since arriving at camp, I have been serving in almost every area here: kitchen, maintenance, the office, challenge course, and a few others. At first I found myself rather frustrated with a lack of consistency and a feeling that I was never placed in an area that I could put my gifts to work. It took me a while before I remembered that I'm not here to serve me but to serve others. The Lord also reminded me that I did after all, ask Him to teach me to be selfless...gently. He has been teaching me, and He has been so gracious with me.

This past weekend was family retreat. One evening, my friend Jordana and I were babysitting three kiddos. One of the girls asked us to tell her a Bible story because she had never gone to Church before and wanted to go to hear the stories. She was so thankful when we did and asked to hear "the story about Jesus on the cross" the next night. I guess sometimes I forget that we truly are reaching the unreached here, even at a Christian camp.

Today was my day off. I went with three friends into Duncan for the afternoon. I had the privilege of driving my friends standard sports car around Duncan as we searched for different unique stores to check out. It was a great afternoon that ended with crusing through some back roads on our way back to camp.

Tomorrow I will be spending the day serving on Maintenance and then in the Challenge Course, and then probably back on Maintenance. I love being outside here.

Nomads Land

The journey from Manitoba to the Island is one to be remembered. Arriving at the Winnipeg airport at 6am, traveling with a friend to Vancouver and being picked up by two brothers was so sweet. Next it was time to learn a new game...Crib...and I will say that the other team got SKUNKED! Then we hit up the beautiful Stanley Park for a picnic and some Frisbee...next stop the Tawassen Ferry terminal. There's something special about taking the ferry....can't quite put my finger on it, but it is epic. Shortly thereafter we arrived at camp excited for whatever we were to encounter next...

It seems as if I post at my most busiest points in life...coincidence? I think not. I have recently found myself saying "yes" to everything and then wondering where my time has gone. Yesterday as I was at a concert of a few friends, it hit me...He spoke and I listened. He said "you know, you don't have to see people everyday. You can spend a day with just Me here and there. Infact, I'd like that a lot." I responded with thinking "wow! really?" I know! how silly. Of COURSE He wants all my time and attention. I felt so much peace in this simple yet greatly needed bit of information. God is so good! How patient He is with me. Looking forward to my days spent just with Him.

Putting pictures on my wall...

Tonight, I had the privilege of celebrating the life of one of my brothers here at school. It was in the form of a completely unexpected surprise party. We begun with games and some snacks, and a special gift suited just for him (in the form of a dance to one of his favourite songs), also a note book on the table for people to write birthday wishes in, and then moving to sharing with him things we appreciate about him, asking him what his hopes for the future are and then praying over him. This reminded me of how important  it is to share our hopes with one another and to lift one another up in prayer. Even though I don't know this brother all that well, my heart was full of praise and prayer for his life and the things the Lord has done and is  doing in his life. Also, I was so encouraged to continue to strive to glorify God completely and fully with my life.  This is definitely a picture worth putting on the wall of my memories...one of celebration of what the Lord has done and also a reminder of how good it is to have friends who love God.

It's about time for breakfast...

I've been spending the past week on Vancouver Island...beautiful it sure is! It's been a wonderful time of catching up with old friends and making new ones. There is not yet snow here and I even saw a rainbow the other day! There has been a ton of rain, but I don't mind it one bit. While hiking to a waterfall with some friends, just a little ways up the mountain by camp, I was constantly thanking the Lord for the beauty He has surrounded us with. Oh how good He is to us! 2 Peter 1:3-11 3His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. 4Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature and escape the corruption in the world caused by evil desires. 5For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; 6and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; 7and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love. 8For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. 9But if anyone does not have them, he is nearsighted and blind, and has forgotten that he has been cleansed from his past sins. 10Therefore, my brothers, be all the more eager to make your calling and election sure. For if you do these things, you will never fall, 11and you will receive a rich welcome into the eternal kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Have I forgotten? How good He is to us to give us all we need! I know that it is not easy to simply have all these qualities in our lives but that is why we are to "make every effort". Lord have mercy on me as I attempt to have these qualities so I may never be ineffective as I do my best to live for you and bring your Kingdom to earth. What a challenge I have found these verses to be, I had to read them over and over again to even begin to grasp what they meant. May this blog, (though it is mostly me simply spitting out my thoughts), be a challenge to those of you who read it as well. May we not just settle with good enough, but challenge ourselves to truly live and to hold ourselves and one another accountable to the life we are to live as disciples of Christ. It takes a rare and true friend to call another on something they are doing that is hindering them and hindering the Lords work.