Today as a part of a year round staff retreat Simon Ng, one of the speakers who comes to camp each summer spoke to us about Luke 7:36-50 and about sin. We were given time to think and pray on our own and this is what came out of it for me...


I feel like...a fake? Like I'm carrying around a garbage can full of filth and disease, dirty diapers, feminine hygiene products, black and rotting banana peels. I slip and fall and as I grip the garbage can so I don't drop it, I get some of the ketchup from old food on my hand. Without knowing it, I wipe it across my forehead as I wipe the sweat from my brow. 


I continue on in my day with a ketchup-stained face. People are starting to notice my filth. I notice them treating me differently, but no one tells me why. 


One would think it easy not only to empty the garbage can, but to get rid of it completely. But I can't...not on my own. I've become accustomed to discomfort and dis-ease. I'm used to it, it would be more uncomfortable to get rid of it?


I know the answer, I know it's Christ. It's just the part of letting go and the embarrassment of allowing Him to clean me of my filth and heal me of my disease. Can I bear it? Can I handle the pain of Him re-shaping and moulding my heart?


Lord...Abba! I want to, but I don't know how.


I keep coming back to this same spot. Ketchup stain on my forhead. Wanting so badly for You to wash me and clean me. To replace the stain of ketchup with anointing oil. To remind me of what's been done before. 


Jesus, help me to remember. And to live like I believe You love me. Amen.