What an amazing God I serve!

I feel a bit like rapping a gift in toilette paper as I say that..not that I am attempting to downplay the greatness and glory of God; more so that I can never do justice to His name. I find myself frustrated at times, wanting to let God know I love Him, but feel that I can never do enough. A while back, two friends and I spent some time in a field praising the Lord. We ran with our eyes closed, sang His praises, we marveled at the beautiful night sky and the many different colors. What great fellowship it was with one another and our King. What a privilege it is to be able to go 'straight to God'. We don't have to go through the process of sacrifice as they did in the Old Testament, or anything of the sort; He's here all the time waiting for us to come to Him. I don't thank Him enough for taking my place on the cross. How great is this God! The one True God, Who is constant and Who is Truth. Blessed be His name forever. Though we don't have to do as they did in the Old Testament, we are to sacrifice our lives... I have been seeking what it means to sacrifice one's life. I feel like I am only now, just beginning to get a glimpse of what it meant for God to sacrifice His Son for the world. This only makes me want to live for Him more. It is so easy to let the things of the world get in the way of loving and living for only Him. I know I can never repay what He has done for me, and what a blessed people we are to know that He does not expect us to. What does it look like to sacrifice our lives for Him? Romans 12:1 "Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship." 1 Peter 2:5 "you also, like living stones, are being built into a spiritual house to be a holy priesthood, offering spiritual sacrifices acceptable to God through Jesus Christ." These verses come to mind. I don't know why I am writing all this, but I hope it may resound with someone..as well as myself.

"I am He; I am the first and I am the last. My own hand laid the foundations of the earth, and my right hand spread out the heavens; when I summon them, they all stand up together." ~Isaiah 48:12-13 How great is our God..and how unworthy are we; yet He still calls us His children. How majestic is His name! (Psalm 8). Oh to be worthy of His love. Comprehension comes not at hasty, but trust is as close as I'll ever be. Trust in His true love for me. Confusion comes so quickly and manifests itself in fear. Fear constructs walls which act as boulders around itself causing freedom to look like a lost cause. Yet He fights for me! (Exodus 14:14) But why? How can I be of worth to him? It seems that trust in His love is as close as I'll ever be.

To follow Christ...

...to do as He did, to expect God to do great things, to show others His love and watch them fall in love with Him. To trust the one who made me and knows my past and my future, to do everything...I mean everything for Him; every thought, every action, word, attitude, every step done purposefully in order to glorify Him. To wake up and before I take my head off the pillow say "God give me the strength to live for You today; help me be a light in a dark world." So much I have missed out, and so much to do; but is life worth living without Christ? Can I call myself His follower if I do not follow Him...What is the point of life without Christ? I don't want to live life without Him and I don't want to live for anything or anyone else. Life does not make sense without Him. I guess I am going on this rant because I am frustrated with the way my life is at the moment. I feel like I'm only here at school to get a paper at times, but other times, the Lord affirms my being here and what I am learning. I am a hands-on learner...to the extreme; so that is also a reason why I find all the classroom sitting a tad bit tiring and frustrating. I know though, that God has me here for a reason and a purpose. I just have to wait and find out what that is... Trusting Him

Life as of now...

I have had almost 3 weeks now to think about the summer and all God has done, and is still teaching me through the last 4 or so months. It's been hard, fun, adventure filled, challenging, tearful (yes I do admit it), super stretching, and full of love..and even more. WARNING** This may be long.. Somethings different in me...I mean really different; and it's so good. The Resident Director of my dorm, Kathy, came down to my room the other day to look at some of my Africa pictures..she asked me "Keerstin, what is it that's different? There's a new joy, a greater joy..a peace..what did it?" To be honest, I don't know, all I do know is that I've never longed to know God like I do now; and I don't think that even begins to explain it. I'm not sure how to explain what God has done in me; though I don't think I will ever be able to explain it all.. I am ok with that. I think that is where amazement and awe come in. (in the not knowing what or how God has done certain things). I do not accredit this difference in (..in my spirit? my soul? what is it?) me to going to Africa, though I do know that God has shown me some pretty amazing things there. I accredit it to God, not "just God" but GOD, in His power, His glory, His Spirit, in Him. Through Him we may have life! ..and to the full.. I am learning slowly how to accept this life. I worked at Staples from May until July 29th. Staples was hard, I was in charge of 2 departments (over half the store) in my first month; learned how to say "I can't find the binder" in German, made some sweet friends and was blown away by how God provided on those days I just wanted to quit and run away. From July 31st-Aug. 23rd I was in Africa and in transit. I have started finding some words in which to describe my time over seas, but I guess I have a hard time because I know I can never do justice to what God all did there. One of my highlights was getting to know the Chieftess and her family; mainly her oldest daughter Keta and hearing her story. Keta said "Keerstin, my name means look at the grace of God; and this is why.." and then she told me her testimony! wow. I was also given a Chichewa name: Chikondi. This summer alone, my grandpa had 2 heart attacks, but he still seems to be doing fine. It's amazing... I know that God still wants him around for something; obviously eh. I got to play guitar and sing for my Grandma when Grandpa was in the hospital..I love spending time with her. I am back at Briercrest.. PRAISE THE LORD! I have a 'tough' course load with a lot of reading; in the words of my academic adviser I'm "in for it"..so we'll see how this goes. So far it's going great and I am loving all my classes. God has and is continuously blessing me with amazing people and friends to spend time with.. I know God is glorified through the times I spend with these people..especially one special 'family' group of friends. I had a job interview tonight at the Point (which went great) and I am also helping out with Sunday School..today the girls got to name our group (they're age about 4-6) and they named us the Strawberry Shortcakes! I thought it was great. It is being affirmed in my mind how important it is to be 'giving back' to the church, and I am feeling more apart of the body as I am contributing in this way. If I were to have a title for this summer it would be Summer of Blessing. That it is. If only I would have words so you might understand...but the Lord knows my heart. I wanted to give you all an update of where I am at; this has been "update with Keerstin time" hope y'all enjoyed. Much love

Is He Enough?

Something I feel the Lord has been asking me is "Keerstin, am I enough?". Is He enough, if I were to loose everything, if my parents died today, if my house burnt down, if I had no arms, if I was paralyzed, if I were never to get married, etc. Is He truly enough? I have been wrestling with this question for a while now, and I would like my answer to be yes, but truly I don't know. I don't know if I would be  able to honestly answer this question unless something of drastic circumstance did in fact happen. Is He enough? This morning I met with my cousin for breakfast, we were talking about many things, but  mostly God and His call on our lives and trusting Him and if He is enough. It was a great time of fellowship and rejuvenation for myself; I feel that I have not truly been able to focus on the Lord in conversation like  that in quite some time. We were just talking about God's provision and our waitress comes up and takes our bills away saying that a lady had taken care of them for us! Wow! What a blessing! and PROVISION!! I know it's not like, if we had to pay for our meals we wouldn't have money left, but just to think, how will God have us spend the money that we saved? How can I bless others like I was blessed at breakfast this morning? How can I bless others through every action, word, thought and deed? Is Christ enough?

Oh To Truly Live...

I don’t want to be like everyone else. I want to be one who stands out of the crowd, not because of how I look, or what I’ve achieved, but because of who I am and Who I represent. I want people to know  that I follow Christ just by looking at me. By the way I walk, talk, treat others, smile, and the glimmer in my eyes, the way I live my life. I want to leave a legacy of hope. Something that when people look back on my life,  they will know that there is something worth living for, and that 'something' is Christ (“for me to live is Christ and to die is gain.”). I want people to start thinking about the hope they can have in the Lord by seeing the way I lived my life. I need to make a change in my life. I need to sit less and walk more. I need to go out and do.  I need to prepare. I need to be disciplined in the way I live my life and every aspect of it. I need to stop caring about what I want and start thinking about what God wants. I need to take risks for my King. I need to stop  worrying about how I’m going to make things happen and finally believe that God has it in control. I need to stop taking things into my own hands, and lift them up to God. I need to pray more, I need to read more, trust more, listen more, say yes more, serve more, be open more. I need to leave fear behind because my God has already won, He has conquered death, He has saved me from death and brought me to new life! He has made me  free and I need to take advantage of the freedom and use it for His glory! Finally, I need to step into the life  that He has created me for and I need to do it in faith. It's there, He's waiting, the life I have always dreamed  of is a 'yes' away. I am choosing to say yes to God. Though I am human, and perfection is not mine to have,  I know the One who IS perfection. Lord, Abba! Please help me in this life You have given me. I choose to  follow You for the rest of my life! From this day forward. I belong to no one and nothing but You.

Whatever Lies Ahead...

Life as I knew it,..well, has never really stayed the same since my family packed up and moved back to Winkler, MB. Since living here, there has always been a constant shift, change of pace or new development to keep me occupied. Not to say that constant change is bad, because I think it can be very good. Where I am at now thought, I have started to become obsessed with finding out and or/ planning what lies around the next hill or turn in the road. I am open to whatever is out there...but it just can't be in Winkler...hehe...just kidding. Strangely, I am even open to that option as well. Though it will take much more work to put my all into remaining here, I know that if this is where God wants me, I can do it with His help. I feel as if I have not left the classroom since I left Briercrest at the end of April, but have stepped into a much different and more challenging school of thought and have come across many different types of 'exams' so to speak (or write). I have come across new challenges, friends, family, and I have also crossed bridges I never thought I would gain the courage to attempt. Yet, as I write these things, I am coming to the realization that these are all apart of God's plan for my life and who He is making and molding me into. I am me, and I always be, but I want to be more and more of a being who belongs fully and completely to Christ. I want to think like He does, love like He loves, and forgive like He forgives. I know these things are impossible, yet I can't help but to strive to be more like Him and to try with everything in me to follow the example of Christ. I don't quite know what I am trying to say here, other than I can never be ready for anything; but as I learn to seek the Lord every day and as I grow in my faith and trust in Him, I know without a doubt, He will never fail me; and that "I can do everything through Him who gives me strength." (Phil 4:13) As I was talking with a friend on the phone the other night, He reminded me not to be afraid to dream because as it reminds us in Jer 29:11, the plans God has for us are not to harm us, but are to give us hope and a future. Also that all things work for the good of those who love God (Romans 8:28) and that 'All things' doesn't exclude anything. I have nothing, NOTHING to worry about. Please pray that I remember that.

Going through my old writings...

I thought I was alone and unheard But You heard my cry when I thought there was no one to hear. You were there. I was helpless, but You protected me when no one else could. When I thought life was not worth living, You gave me hope when nothing else would. You set me free from my prison cell; Though at times I preferred hiding instead of letting others see my hurt. My heart was ripped apart and shattered, But I know I can trust You to put it back together. You have shown me I am everything to You and that it is ok to be weak, That I should find my confidence in You. You have given me Your mercy, And though I am broken, You use me to glorify Your name. Father I praise You! Though at times I think differently, I am blessed to remember. I praise You because I am useless without You. I want to make You happy, I want others to see that You live in me. Thank You for the challenge You have laid before me. You keep giving me this overwhelming joy, Even when I do not want it. I praise You with all that I am! I am devoted to You; Don’t let me hold anything back. Thank You for never leaving me. You are my everything.

LOVE...

It's something everyone needs to survive. Everyone longs to be loved in some way, by someone; yet love seems to be something that some hide or even run from. It can be something that makes one feel out of place or right where they belong; it can rip apart, or sew back together. Why?... we were created to love and be loved. We were created in the image and likeness of God, who Himself is love. Though love is something which has been distorted throughout history, and even today, there is still hope. God has not and will not give up on us..He is love! (1st John 3:16 "This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us.") Paul said it well when he wrote to the Corinthians: 1st Corinthians 13:4-7 "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." This is a snapshot of what love is...what God is..I have a feeling that God is even better than what is described by Paul; as humans, we have no ability to fully grasp or understand Who the Lord is. One of the ways God reveals Himself to us is through His creation. Through us and the amazing things which surround us. The love of people is incomparable to the love of God, but it gives us a context to get an idea of what love actually is. (I really hope this makes sense and that it's not blasphemy:P) A glimpse of what I think love is: (*This is not what I think of romance, though many of these things are involved in romance; but this is what I think of true pure famila love...) To be: seen, sought, wanted, searched for, worked for, fought for, chased, found, rescued, held, cared for, kept safe, carried, treasured, cherished, heard, understood, known, enough, waited for, prayed over and with, hugged, supported, cried with, sat with, noticed, picked out, called for, walked with, surrendered, free. There are many things that could and should be added to this list...obviously, this is just the tip of the iceberg, but I thought I'd just put this out there. Hope I make sense. Please let me know what you think.

"If I could give you anything right now, I would give you a candle that burns as brightly as the light within you, the light you are... I would say don't let the well-intentioned extinguish it. Don't let the mean-spirited blow it out. Don't let your light flicker and fade on days that you feel like giving up. The world is large and no one can illuminate it alone, but it is amazing how a single candle can light so many others. The world needs your light. Hold your candle high." -Cheryl Hawkinson This poem was a huge reminder to me. Isn't it true that one person can make a great difference. I think for myself, I am too easily swayed by what others say and my fear of what they think also have an enormous effect on my decisions. I don't want my life to be dictated by others, I want the only one who has an effect on anything I do to be God. And I want Him to effect everything I do. I want Him to be my reason, my only reason....every thought, every word, every step, every smile, every laugh, every song, every picture, every breath; everything. I could go on and on, and those who know me would agree:P. I love the Lord I serve....I am a daughter of the King and Creator of the universe! I need to be reminded of that. It's late and I've had a crazy week, and a great day... Praising and learning to trust Him completely, Keerst Psalm 8 (my fav!)

Broken...

I have been learning a lot lately what it means to trust in the Lord. I thought that I pretty much had that down pat...(how naive can one be!?!), but obviously I have a lot to learn. Today, I find myself as a college student with no summer job to pay off loans, no idea of what I'm going to do, and no idea of what I want at all. There is so much more to this, but this is about all that I can put into words at the moment. Though I am fragile in this time, I take great comfort in knowing that God is providing for me. Already, He has provided me with a friend to talk with, pray with, and even cry with. I am truly humbled by His endless love and compassion. This is where I sit, eyes sore from crying (for the first time since the summer), soul tired of trying to do things on my own for too long; I'm learning to trust the One who's got it all under control. As I was drifting off to sleep the other night He said "Relax Keerst. It's ok, I've got it under control. I know what I'm doing. I've got it." It meant so much to me, and it still does; but now I have no choice but to trust Him, no excuse not to, and even if I wanted to, I have nowhere else to go. Though it is hard, I am glad that I am where I am now. And I know that I am going to be ok; I just need to let Him take control.